So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
