Apparently you make a good broom.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
