Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
