just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i will never coherently bang her
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
