I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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