I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
