I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
