Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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