it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
