I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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