Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
