This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
