You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
