we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
