the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize