i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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