I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
