nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
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