we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
