Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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