used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
