my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
