I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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