so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
