I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
