so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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