I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
