he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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