After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
