He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
