Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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