i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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