i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
