Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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