I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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