The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
