Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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