billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
