We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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