Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There r osticjed everywhere
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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