In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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