youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Your penis caused this!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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