Where did you get a picture of my penis
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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