Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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