Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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