i can't believe i had my finger in that
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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