Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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