see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
