Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
