we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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