dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
