It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
